My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
