Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
