She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
