i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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