watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
