So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
