I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
