Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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