Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
