Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
