Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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