i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
