I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
