So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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