This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Someone came in the potted fern
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
