Someone shit on the floor
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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