Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
