i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
