I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
