sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
