i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
