And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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