so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
