You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
