am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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