i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
