you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
