don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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