If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
