I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize