Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
