genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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