i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Drunk is not a location!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
