You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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