The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
