you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My feet surprised me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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