If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you made out with another girl for some wings
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
