He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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