Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My life is pants optional.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
