i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
