I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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