i permit you to call me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
