the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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