the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
