i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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