Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
