Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize