Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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