You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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