it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
