do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
