She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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