imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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