I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
