Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
