I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
