she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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