She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
