She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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