Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
