Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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