You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize