i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
