I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
