The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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