Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
