I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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