If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize