I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
