I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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