Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
