champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i drank out of a bidet.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
