its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
