his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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