NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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