You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
