i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
