funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
