Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
