fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
