HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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