Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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