my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
