I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
