The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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