So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
