hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
