I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
