Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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