I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
