need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
