totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
