that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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