don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize