i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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