i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
