her vagine was all disorganized.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
