If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
In America we eat man semen.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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