"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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