i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
